Emotional Regulation: Skills and Strategies

Emotional regulation (also called emotion regulation) is the set of processes we use to influence which emotions we have, when we have them, and how we experience and express them. It does not mean suppressing feelings or always staying calm. It means being able to respond to emotions flexibly, so that their intensity and duration fit the situation and you can return to a steady baseline afterwards.

Emotional regulation is a learnable skill. Psychologist James Gross's process model, the most widely used framework in this field, shows that regulation can happen at several stages, from choosing situations to managing reactions after they occur. This guide explains how emotions work, what research says about which strategies help and which backfire, seven core skills, and the DBT skills many therapists teach.

7 Emotional Regulation Skills at a Glance

Understanding Emotions

What are emotions?

Emotions are short-lived responses to events that matter to us. Most psychologists describe them as involving several components:

• Subjective feeling: what the emotion feels like from the inside.
• Body changes: heart rate, breathing, muscle tension and hormones.
• Appraisal: how we interpret what is happening ("This is unfair," "I'm in danger").
• Expression: face, voice and posture.
• Action tendencies: urges to approach, attack, flee, hide or seek comfort.

Basic emotions and their functions

Paul Ekman's research suggested that a small set of emotions, often listed as happiness, sadness, anger, fear, disgust and surprise, are expressed in recognisable ways across cultures. That view is still debated; researchers such as Lisa Feldman Barrett argue emotions are more variable and culturally shaped. Either way, emotions are generally useful. They communicate needs, motivate action, focus attention on what matters and help us make decisions.

Primary and secondary emotions

Some therapies, such as emotion-focused therapy, distinguish primary emotions, direct responses to a situation like sadness after a loss, from secondary emotions, reactions to those feelings, such as anger that covers hurt or shame about feeling sad. Noticing secondary emotions can help people address what lies underneath.

The emotion sequence

1. Trigger: an internal or external event.
2. Attention: you notice it.
3. Appraisal: you interpret what it means for you.
4. Response: feelings, body changes and urges arise.
5. Action and consequences: what you do, and what happens next, feed back into the cycle.

This sequence is the basis of Gross's process model: each step is an opportunity to regulate.

What Is Emotion Regulation?

Emotion regulation can aim to decrease unwanted emotions, increase wanted ones, or shape how emotions are expressed. It can be conscious, such as deliberately taking a breath before replying to an email, or automatic, such as habitually looking away from upsetting scenes.

Helpful and unhelpful patterns

Researchers have compared strategies across many studies. A meta-analysis by Amelia Aldao, Susan Nolen-Hoeksema and Susanne Schweizer (2010) found that rumination, avoidance and suppression were associated with more symptoms of anxiety, depression, eating disorders and substance use problems, while reappraisal, problem-solving and acceptance were associated with fewer.

These are tendencies, not absolute rules. Distraction, for example, can be very useful for getting through a short, intense spike but unhelpful as a long-term way of avoiding problems. Researchers increasingly emphasise regulatory flexibility: the ability to choose the right strategy for the situation.

Individual differences

People differ in how easily they regulate emotions because of temperament, early relationships and attachment, life stress and trauma, cultural norms about emotional expression, sleep and physical health, and neurodevelopmental or mental health conditions.

Emotional Dysregulation

Emotional dysregulation describes emotional responses that are unusually intense, change rapidly, last longer than the situation warrants or are hard to recover from, to the point that they disrupt relationships, work or wellbeing. It is a description of a pattern, not a diagnosis.

Emotional dysregulation is a prominent feature of borderline personality disorder and is common in ADHD, PTSD and complex PTSD, mood disorders such as bipolar disorder, autism and substance use disorders. In children, severe, persistent irritability with frequent outbursts is the core of disruptive mood dysregulation disorder in the DSM-5-TR.

Contributing factors can include trauma and early adversity, temperament, chronic stress, sleep deprivation, substance use and medical conditions. Because the causes vary, persistent dysregulation is best assessed by a qualified professional rather than self-diagnosed.

The Process Model of Emotion Regulation

James Gross's process model (1998) identifies five families of strategies, ordered by when they act in the emotion sequence.

Antecedent- versus response-focused strategies

Strategies at stages 1 to 4 act before an emotion fully develops (antecedent-focused); stage 5 acts on an emotion already under way (response-focused). In a series of studies, Gross and Oliver John (2003) found that people who habitually used reappraisal reported more positive emotion, better relationships and higher wellbeing, whereas people who habitually suppressed emotional expression reported the opposite. A 2012 meta-analysis by Webb, Miles and Sheeran found that reappraisal had small-to-moderate effects on emotional outcomes, while suppressing expression changed behaviour but did little to reduce the felt emotion.

Emotional Awareness Skills

You can't regulate an emotion you haven't noticed. Awareness is the foundation of every other skill.

Name it precisely

Research by Lisa Feldman Barrett and colleagues on emotional granularity suggests that people who distinguish finely between emotions, for example "disappointed" versus "resentful" versus "lonely," tend to regulate more effectively. Lab studies by Matthew Lieberman and colleagues (2007) found that simply labelling an emotion ("affect labelling") reduced activity in the amygdala, a brain region involved in threat responses.

Notice the body

A brief body check, scanning from head to toe for tension, heat, heaviness or restlessness, often reveals emotions before you can name them. See body scan meditation.

Track patterns

A simple mood log with the situation, emotion, intensity from 0 to 10 and what you did helps identify triggers, times of day and situations that repeatedly lead to strong feelings. See journaling for mental health.

Observe mindfully

Mindfulness involves noticing an emotion with curiosity, "I'm aware of anger rising," without immediately acting on it or judging it. See mindfulness meditation.

Core Emotion Regulation Strategies

Cognitive reappraisal

Reappraisal means deliberately changing how you interpret a situation to change its emotional impact. Useful questions include: "What's another way to see this?", "What would I say to a friend in this situation?" and "How will this look in a year?" Reappraisal is a core part of cognitive restructuring in CBT.

Acceptance and validation

Acceptance means allowing an emotion to be present without fighting it. Self-validation, "It makes sense I feel this way given what happened," reduces the secondary distress of being upset about being upset. DBT's "radical acceptance" and ACT's "willingness" are related ideas. Acceptance does not mean approving of the situation; it means stopping the struggle with reality as it is.

Problem-solving

When the cause of distress can be changed, the most effective regulation is often to change it. A simple structure: define the problem, brainstorm options, weigh pros and cons, choose and act, then review.

Behavioral activation

Low mood tends to reduce activity, which reduces positive experiences and lowers mood further. Scheduling pleasant and meaningful activities, a core technique in behavioral activation for depression, can break this cycle.

Opposite action

When an emotion doesn't fit the facts or acting on it won't help, DBT recommends doing the opposite of the urge: approaching what you fear when it is safe, being gently kind instead of attacking, engaging instead of withdrawing. See opposite action.

Self-soothing

Comforting yourself through the senses, such as calming music, a warm drink, a soft blanket or time outdoors, helps reduce arousal in distressing moments. It works best alongside other skills rather than as the only response.

DBT Emotion Regulation Skills

Dialectical behavior therapy, developed by Marsha Linehan, teaches emotion regulation as a module of explicit skills. Several are widely used outside therapy.

PLEASE: reducing vulnerability

Physical states strongly affect emotional reactivity. PLEASE stands for treat PhysicaL illness, balanced Eating, Avoid mood-altering substances, balanced Sleep and get Exercise. Sleep in particular has strong research links to emotional reactivity. See sleep hygiene.

ABC: building a buffer

• Accumulate positive emotions: do something pleasant daily, and work toward a life aligned with your values.
• Build mastery: do things that make you feel capable, gradually increasing difficulty.
• Cope ahead: plan and rehearse how you'll handle a difficult situation before it happens.

Check the facts

Ask: What emotion am I feeling? What triggered it? What am I assuming? Am I assuming a threat, and how likely is it? Does the intensity of my emotion fit the facts? If not, reappraisal or opposite action may help; if it does, problem-solving may be the right step.

Riding the wave

Emotions rise, peak and fall. Noticing the emotion, observing its sensations and allowing it to pass without acting on the urge can shorten distress. Urge surfing applies the same idea to cravings.

TIP skills for crisis

For very intense emotion, DBT teaches fast body-based skills: Temperature (cold water on the face), Intense exercise for a short time, Paced breathing with a long exhale and Paired muscle relaxation. Anyone with a heart condition should check with a doctor before using intense cold. See the TIPP skill.

Cognitive Strategies

Spotting thinking traps

Certain thinking patterns tend to intensify emotions: catastrophizing, mind reading, all-or-nothing thinking, personalisation, emotional reasoning ("I feel it, so it must be true") and rigid "should" rules.

Questions for balanced thinking

• What evidence supports this thought, and what doesn't?
• What's the most likely outcome, not just the worst?
• What would I tell a friend?
• Is this thought helpful, even if parts of it are true?

Distancing

Research by Ethan Kross and colleagues suggests that reflecting on a problem from a distanced perspective, as an observer or even in the third person ("Why is Sam feeling this way?"), can reduce emotional reactivity compared with immersed rumination.

Values

Connecting to personal values ("What kind of person do I want to be in this moment?") can guide action when emotions pull in another direction. This is central to acceptance and commitment therapy.

Physical and Somatic Techniques

• Slow breathing: breathing in for about 4 counts and out for 6 to 8 lowers physiological arousal. See breathing exercises, box breathing and 4-7-8 breathing.
• Progressive muscle relaxation: tensing and releasing muscle groups. See progressive muscle relaxation.
• Grounding: using the senses to anchor in the present, such as the 5-4-3-2-1 exercise. See grounding techniques.
• Movement: regular exercise is consistently linked to better mood and lower stress; yoga and walking combine movement with calm attention.

Some popular body-based methods, such as "tapping" based on energy meridians, lack a credible scientific basis, and any benefits are likely due to general factors such as distraction and exposure rather than the proposed mechanism.

Building Emotional Resilience

Resilience is the capacity to adapt to stress and recover from adversity. Research points to several protective factors: supportive relationships, a sense of competence (self-efficacy), meaning and purpose, flexible thinking, physical health habits and the ability to tolerate discomfort. See resilience building.

• Distress tolerance: gradually practising staying with manageable discomfort, rather than escaping it immediately, increases confidence that you can cope.
• Self-compassion: treating yourself with the kindness you'd offer a friend is associated with lower anxiety and depression. See self-compassion practice.
• Connection: co-regulation through supportive relationships is one of the most powerful regulation resources people have.
• Routine: predictable structure for sleep, meals and activity reduces vulnerability.

When to Seek Professional Help

Consider talking to a mental health professional if emotions often feel overwhelming or out of control, if they are damaging relationships, work or study, if you rely on alcohol, drugs or self-harm to cope, or if trauma is affecting how you feel day to day. Therapies such as DBT, CBT, emotion-focused therapy and ACT are specifically designed to strengthen regulation skills. Our guide on how to find a therapist can help.